I'm kind of at a weird spot in my life right now. Ever since April, when I first started seeing Justin, I have known that I want someone special in my life.
In May/June, Justin had let me know that he did not want a relationship right now. Since then, we have hung out as great friends and pretty much have become friends with benefits. (if you know what I mean). At first I was kind of iffy about this, because I know I'll be going home still single. He had said that I wasn't the reason he didn't want to be with me, it was just the relationship thing.
Well, in September, he started hanging out with this girl, Ashley. I asked him about it. He said "we're just friends, that's it." But on the other hand, all his friends refer to her as "the girlfiend, the new girl" etc. So that meant that it WAS me he didn't want to be with, not the reasons he said. That he had to lie to me for no reason, only to hurt me more.
And another thing that confuses this up even more is that Adam is interested in me. Adam is Justin's roommate. I'm not really that interested in him.. we have hung out, I've tried to give him a chance, but there's no attraction or chemistry there. And I don't want to use him just for the male company. I've been used enough times to know how that feels.
So the general concensus is: I'm still in love with Justin, even though I know he is not right for me or even interested in me. Also, Adam thinks that there's going to be something that develops out of this 'hanging out' and Justin & friends are all calling me Adam's Girl.
So I've decided that I'm going to stop hanging out with both Adam & Justin. Nothing good is going to become of this. I don't want to be the desperate girl throwing herself on any guy just for some male attention. I want to be adored and loved for who I am, and I want both of us to be crazy in love with each other.
I'm going to call Adam right now and tell him how I'm feeling. That I can't let him keep paying for movies and food with me, thinking that I'm going to fall for him, when I'm not. I'm going to say it a little nicer though, as much as I can muster. Wish me luck. I think I'm going to be celibate now.