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I guess this is kind of an update. I'm still single right now... but am, I guess you could say, having fun with a few guys. Just playing it casual. I think I've always put too much thought and heart into the male species. For some reason, thinking that I always had to view every guy that came along as a future mate. I have changed my lens, and am not taking everything so seriously. And I'm still staying true to myself and my morals.

America's Next Top Model is on right now. There's one black girl on there with a giant gap between her front teeth. I guess they think she's pretty if she keeps her mouth shut. And this girl from New Orleans, Wendy... when they first told her she was in, they said "we didn't pick you out of pity, you were chosen because of your look as a model." Yet, they keep bringing up the whole Katrina thing every chance they get. Stupid. This Jade girl is way too arrogant for this show. Nigel Barker is the main reason to watch this show.

My day off was today. I thought that I would hang with a friend, seeing as it was his day off as well, but he was busy doing other things. I'm hoping to hang out with him soon.

Justin, my ex-boyfriend, is coming around again. Physically coming around again; he's coming over unexpectedly. If you know me, I am not one for surprise visitors. My apartment is also my safe haven. It's a place I can run to, where no one else can enter or exit. That is why I haven't really kept it very clean. Because I'm the only one here, the only one enjoying the place, I'm just keeping it at this mess. This behavior shows that I think that I don't deserve a clean place to share with people... according to Mom. I guess she is a little correct in that statement.

With Justin coming around again, I'm starting to act like I did when we were together again... like I need to do anything and everything to make him happy, not really caring about my own well-being. Mom says that I've always been a pleaser. I cannot fall back into this. That is what caused last June to be Hell Month. I had never before been as depressed as I was in that entire month. I even told Justin that he could come by this coming Monday. WHY?! I wasn't wanting anyone to come by. It's my own enviroment, and I shouldn't have to change it just because this guy is wanting to hang out and get close again. I'm going to tell him to forget it. I need to overcome my weakness for men.

I better be going to bed. My manager at work says that I need to be getting to work much earlier, that I need to be setting a better example for my co-workers. So I'm coming to work at 8 everyday, versus 8:20. Twenty minutes isn't really that much of a difference, but at 6:15 it is a HUGE difference. I love my sleep, I am much more of a night owl.

Good night.

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January 2011

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